just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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