Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
