Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
