I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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