It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
