Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
