So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
