I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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