Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
