she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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