Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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