I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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