Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
