But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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