Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
