your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
In America we eat man semen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
