Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
