Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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