my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
