now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
