If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
