haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
