actually, I'm a sock model
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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