I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
