I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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