I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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