quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
