just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
