I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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