I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.