Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

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  (603): so you masturbated because Oprah told you? http://tfl.nu/qr8j
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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  (978): I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/sljh
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.

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  (573): Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life. http://tfl.nu/evuh
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

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  (405): Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts. http://tfl.nu/kf4k
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia

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  (206): I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia http://tfl.nu/go1o
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

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  (636): The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.' http://tfl.nu/hueh
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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  (617): gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist. http://tfl.nu/2uj6
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hippo gnu deer

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  (440): Hippo gnu deer http://tfl.nu/wuid
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

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  (603): 4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin. http://tfl.nu/zsng
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  (585): View more from New York

  In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

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  (585): In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is? http://tfl.nu/537k
  Replies (13) Good night (3453) Bad night (1117)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.

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  (502): She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do. http://tfl.nu/zxpe
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.

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  (310): I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/r05o
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  (310): View more from California

  Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself

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  (310): Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself http://tfl.nu/e5tp
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  (936): View more from Texas

  My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.

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  (936): My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away. http://tfl.nu/923e
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding

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  (267): only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding http://tfl.nu/47vz
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt

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