I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning