i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.