Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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