i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
