i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
