Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
