I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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