Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
