I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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