I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
