upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
