booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
did you just send me my own nude
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
