I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you inspire me to be a worse person
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
