If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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