Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
