i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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