i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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