i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
