just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
