it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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