So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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