he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
