He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She announced her abortion via fbk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
