you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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