I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize