tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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