let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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