Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
