I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
