There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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