Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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