HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
