Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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