Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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