Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
