I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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