I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
