Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
