I forgot how hot balto sounded
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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