This is not my ceiling
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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