now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
