thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
