And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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