I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
