Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
