You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
